Torn and conflicted and all up in the middle..

I have said over and over how much I love what I do. I love my job! I can't imagine NOT being in this field. I earned my BA in Biology in Spring of 2008 and have yet to look for a career in that field. One has to do with the current state of the job market in my area- I want to work for the State and cannot because they can't even pay the state employees, let alone hire anyone. The other reason is I know how much I would miss this and I can't imagine leaving it, like I stated earlier. So here I stay and have been quite content with that- until this week.



I have posted previously that my brother, Dipshit, likes to get into trouble and was arrested by the Burb PD a couple of weeks ago. It was for something dumb and I and the rest of the dept had moved on. Well, Dipshit found something even more serious to get into this last week. Like hard core felonious nonsense. Needless to say, I'm beyond pissed at him. The only thing that made it worse was it was by.. you guessed it, the Burb PD. Yes, the very PD I work for he got arrested by.



Was his arrest in any way, shape, or form my fault? Nope- he isn't my responsibility, I am not his mother, and I didn't contribute to his actions in any way. Do I feel bad about it? In a way. He's young and an idiot and I know he's screwed himself 20 ways from Sunday with this. But at the same time, he did the crime, I think he should pay the price for it. I'm conflicted needless to say.



However, it seems that I have become the bastard child in my department. Instead of having the support that I should have, more than most have turned their backs on me. I am getting the snarky looks. I am getting the silent treatment.



I feel absolutely abandoned.



The arrest was hard enough for me to deal with. I had to come into work and watch the interviews being done. I had to look and monitor my brother in a cell. Unfortunately, that was the easiest part of this week.



I'm caught in the middle. On the one hand, I work in LE; this whole line of work is about enforcing the law. On the other hand, he's my brother. As much of a Dipshit he is (hence his name), he is blood and while I don't agree with his actions, I think he needs to learn and not feel abandoned. He needs his family to get and give the help he needs to become a better person. Like I said, I'm caught in the middle.

I guess we'll just see how this plays out. For once in my life, I am unable to do anything to change things. I have no control and I hate it.

Why can't my life be just simple and easy for once??